Erradhadh

View Larger Map




Oo, appelle-moi mon cherie, appelle-moi
Anytime anyplace anywhere anyway
Anytime anyplace anywhere any day, anyway
Call me my life
Call me call me any anytime
Call me for a ride
Call me call me for some overtime


10 hours. I need to stop. I need to think about the attainable: Alexis. I am attracted to Alexis, yes, but, there's something about Joe. There's that x-factor.


That x-factor that I've missed since Sasha.


CALL ME!


Sorry for the rather disjointed nature of this post!

Current Location:	Not In Europe
Current Mood:	jealous
Current Music:	Call Me - Blondie

I don't know why.

But I'm so, so confused and frustrated and ARGH.

I wish everything was as simple as academic endeavors.
I understand quite well why certain academics said "Fuck social life."
It's not because they didn't want anybody.
But because it was too damn confusing.

I hate distance.

I hate oceans, land, states.

I hate being confused since I always know what to do.

Postscript: I was looking back entries and in the personality profile said that, "You're not much of a talker."

hahaha. Right.

Current Location:	'fing FL
Current Mood:	frustrated
Current Music:	Salva Nos - Yuki Kajiura

joebruner17 (21:12:07): hey!
Erradhadh (21:12:15): Hello!
joebruner17 (21:12:27): <3 my articulate flatterer speaks to me live at last
Erradhadh (21:12:55): Tsk, flattery is only that when it's not deserved.
Erradhadh (21:13:18): (Ha! How's that for more flattery!)
joebruner17 (21:13:32): touche
joebruner17 (21:13:53): on the bright side, i can get away with calling your gorgeous under your definition
Erradhadh (21:14:35): Well, as you have never met me, that would be a rather guess, but, you, I judge you on presented facts.
joebruner17 (21:15:05): facebook pictures are at least a good a measure of beauty as test scores are of intelligence, no?
Erradhadh (21:15:52): Well, in that case, the compliment is humbly received.
Erradhadh (21:16:39): (I feel distinctly Victorian with such banter. I feel like I should lean over to my escort and whisper something.)
joebruner17 (21:17:15): i certainly hope you'd be whispering to me in that case
Erradhadh (21:18:06): Well, any proper lady would never dream of being so impetuous as to assume that.
joebruner17 (21:19:34): once i'm yours i don't forsee you needing to be proper with me anymore
Erradhadh (21:21:46): Well, if living in the Vicotrian era, impropriety was severely punished by social ostracization...however, I might act rashly and break from prescribed conduct.
joebruner17 (21:22:44): fortunately,  you can instead just exclaim good fortune at NOT living in the bloody victorian era
Erradhadh (21:23:07): And that would be true!
joebruner17 (21:23:09): and possibly have your way with me
joebruner17 (21:23:12):  
Erradhadh (21:24:40): With the added pleasure of knowing that I'll become an Oxonian by association...in addition to the pleasure of ravaging you, of course.
joebruner17 (21:24:58): you
joebruner17 (21:25:03): you'd find me pleasurable?
Erradhadh (21:26:10): Well, considering that if I would have my way with you, I would do this for pleasure, not pain. That would be a logical human response.
joebruner17 (21:26:59): i see no reason not to be yours, then
Erradhadh (21:27:56): Other than, of course, geographical bounds.
joebruner17 (21:28:44): a whole new incentive for you to end up at oxford
Erradhadh (21:30:21): AH, yes, quite of the different sort...and may I add, slightly more thrilling...
joebruner17 (21:31:00): come interview, you'll get a preview
Erradhadh (21:31:56): Well, it's good that next year I'm going to Oxford the interview.
joebruner17 (21:32:14): maybe fate will bring us together before then
Erradhadh (21:32:37): Maybe, though, I could not forsee how. Though strange are the workings of fate...
joebruner17 (21:32:54): indeed, darling
Erradhadh (21:33:33): Such quick endearment is rather strange...but...
joebruner17 (21:34:03): throwing caution to the wind is fun once in awhile
joebruner17 (21:34:06): and there's nothing to lose
Erradhadh (21:34:36): And all to gain, I presume?
joebruner17 (21:35:51): none of me that you're willing to ravage is going to be witheld
joebruner17 (21:36:35): so that's to gain
Erradhadh (21:37:34): There are contigencies to this aforementioned ravaging.
joebruner17 (21:37:43): like?
Erradhadh (21:39:48): To put it blankly, there are two main ones, one superficial, one not quite so much. One: you are attractive to me. Two: you are not, for lack of a better word, a douche.
joebruner17 (21:40:24): one; you've seen me somewhat, so you have the general idea
joebruner17 (21:40:34): two; define douche
Erradhadh (21:42:40): One, a rather bad quality photo is no indicator, though, it does please me. Two, that was a bad contigency, because well, I'm rather arrogant so I cannot expect otherwise from anyone else, plus, having unpleasant characteristics is unavoidable, and having marked ones makes a person more memorable and intense.
Erradhadh (21:43:42): I will return in a bit. I'm going to dine.
joebruner17 (21:43:48): please do return
joebruner17 (21:43:52): i'm enjoying the banter
Erradhadh (21:50:14): Well, I did so. And such banter is pleasant as I don't engage in it that often.
joebruner17 (21:50:37): haha, i hope you didn't rush yourself for me!
Erradhadh (21:50:57): No, no, we had crepes. It does not take long to eat a crepe.
joebruner17 (21:51:18): hahahahha
joebruner17 (21:51:22): can't argue with that
joebruner17 (21:51:32): although i would probably have eaten four today
Erradhadh (21:52:24): Bah, I ate two. Crepes are such a staple in my household that it's rather dull.
joebruner17 (21:53:27): never heard of crepes being a staple american food item, but i don't think i'd mind
Erradhadh (21:54:04): Haha, I'm not american though. I'm Russian and we stole the idea shamelessly from the French, and called it a different name.
joebruner17 (21:54:32): you're in america, you want to better yourself
joebruner17 (21:54:38): you're american by my definition
Erradhadh (21:56:32): Tsk, I disagree with you. I'd actually rather have stayed in Moscow (though I am vehentmly against the current politics there), and better oneself does not qualify one as an American. If it is the official nationality that you aim for, then my passport is from the Russian Federation, and I'm here on a green card.
joebruner17 (21:57:22): i've met a few russians, but none that liked moscow better than here
Erradhadh (21:58:48): Right, Moscow is...particular. Some have a taste for it, others don't. I dislike the largely suburban aspect of America, the mentality of the greater whole.
joebruner17 (21:59:13): i'd love to visit it with you
Erradhadh (22:00:01): I would give a very different perspective on it than others...in addition to it being just fun.
joebruner17 (22:00:15): all the more reason to go with you
Erradhadh (22:01:40): Well, if there is anyone who knows Moscow from as many different perspectives as I do, I would be hard-pressed to find them.
joebruner17 (22:03:17): very compelling.
Erradhadh (22:03:38): I'm a compelling sort of person, what can I say?
joebruner17 (22:03:51): arrogance is hott
Erradhadh (22:04:50): Of course, someone who is doubting themselves is less of a stand-out. Arrogance is in-your-face.

Ah! But then I was researching internships and I stumble upon one  to international law firms (one in Paris, one in London) who provide pre-university students the chance to do real work in the field of human rights (AKA ME). Yes, it's rather competitive position for 6 month internship, gap year placement. Yes, I probably won't get it. BUT LET ME FREAKIN' APPLY.  Honestly. ONE YEAR WITHOUT SCHOOL DOES NOT EQUAL THE END OF THE WORLD. In fact, you have to sign a contract stating your intent to go to freakin' university after those six months.

But, oh, apparently, I'll become working-class and forever be stuck in a dead-end job. Just because I'll get out of the "intellectual environment". I will fail at life if I take a PRESTIGIOUS INTERNSHIP POSITION. That's failure: direct and deadly.

I'm sorry I'm not doing things your way. I'm about to press the APPLY button to one of those internships. And if by some miracle I get it, I'm going. You're not paying for shit anyways, and the internships cover basic living costs.

So, dearest mumsy and papa, FUCK YOU. My grandfather will still give me money for university, though you're dead set against paying for me. And even if he doesn't, student loans are great. In fact, it's one of the safest loans to ever take out according to statistics (oh sorry, dearest father, I did not care enough about the probability of probability, because shit happens and that's all the probability I care about. And I hate physics. All those fucking springs. Maybe more theory would be fun?)

I hope my brother is an average students with average SAT scores. Oh, that's right, unlike me, you'll probably send him to some prissy boarding school that promises a spot at Princeton. It'll be like Gossip Girl, except with less Botox. At least I'll know I did it myself. You? Supportive? Like I had a choice of failure. When we first moved here, you sent me back because I wasn't good enough IN FIRST GRADE because I didn't know English. That's really good support there: oh, she's away. When someone gets a 1500, they were deemed beyond comprehension intelligent, when I got a 1580, you said, (and you were NOT joking, there was not smile on your face, don't lie), "Where are the other 20?" Sorry that I get home late, sorry that I have a social life, sorry that I don't want a Nobel Prize, sorry that my goal is to experience life and not earn two Masters and a PhD. If it happens, great. If it doesn't, then...just that, it doesn't.

Now let me go out and argue that Great Britain is becoming more polarized, America too jingoistic, and coffee too Cuban.

Oh, and mother, giving birth isn't special. Lots of people do it just fine. You can't use that as an argument. It's a really weak one. That's like if I kept yelling about being human. (Really? You thought I was a chinchilla...!)

Your perfect daughter,
Masha

P.S.
Dear reader,
Sorry about the rant.
Yours,
Mariya

P.S. to my P.S.
Dear reader again,
If you would like to hang out sometime, let's.
Yours,
Mariya

Current Location:	In front of the computer
Current Mood:	angry
Current Music:	Rachmaninov

"Yes, speak french. Come on...," he teased.

"Je n(e) voudrais parler en francais...parce que shuis (je suis) stupide quand je l(e) parle," (not even pronouncing 'quand' incorrectly) I stated.
"Haha, non! C'est tres, tres bonne response! You speak like a parissienne," he pronounced.

"Vraiment? Comment une parissienne...c'est une bonne chose?"

"Mon ville favorit est Paris. L'air de Paris, l'air de le peuple...de la femme...c'est...c'est..." Alexius mused.

I finished, "Comme un ville europeanne."

"La vie y occure...ici.."

"La vie nos passe," I finished for the second time.

We were standing outside, gesticulating, diving into the conversation, impassioned with this common love of cities. Smoke curled around our heads from people smoking, foreign languages dripped from tongues, Smirnoff Ice and Bacardi and orange soda stood in cups abandoned and not so much abandoned. Without coming home, I was home.

People smoke. People drink. Yes, yes, but most of all, most important in this is that people live what they say, they are taken up by the words, caught in a spell-binding time of night, Europop, and smoke, lifted up by ideas from small apartments and meager means.

Disclaimer: I do not promise that the french above has perfect spelling, grammar, or etc. I did not proofread, nor did I try.

Current Location:	Tampa, FL, USA
Current Mood:	weird
Current Music:	Around the World by ATC

What ridiculous authority condemned us to this?

If I could be content with my plot and realize that I, as part of the postmodern world, am insignificant.

Yet, I still hope...
fruitlessly.

Current Location:	Tampa, FL, USA
Current Mood:	cynical
Current Music:	Verzo in E-Minor

A drunk man on an expensive car had a head on collision with them.

He's alive.

Both of them burned alive.

Both of them were my relatives.

Their six year old son still doesn't know.

Current Location:	Tampa, unfortunately
Current Mood:	cold
Current Music:	Requiem, Mozart

That's what I'm going to do.

It doesn't really matter; I've decided that for myself. Therefore, I will become Mariya again. I don't care about these types of things. Period.

Current Location:	Tampa and NOT Moscow
Current Mood:	contemplative
Current Music:	Silence

What defines life? What is the definition of whether one has truly lived life to one's full potential? Is achieving the most one can academically really that important? Is knowing the most one can know truly the pinnacle of achievement? I feel as if I've been too focused on what isn't important! My preoccupation of being the best in my respective fields have clouded my vision. Can I say...that each and every of those 525,600 minutes were lived? I cannot. I was worried about things soon forgotten and as soon as they are all gone all that is left is blank days. Can I say that I truly loved someone and that has made me a better person? I cannot deny it; however, I cannot say "yes" without lying.

I feel like the past year or so was a waste of my life. I can point out only few events which I can say that I am proud of. [Not saying I have done much that I particularly horrified about, but most of my actions were too neutral and blase.]

I don't want to sit down later and say, "I regret not actions but rather the lack of."

I feel like I have so little time.

Plus, Alex is leaving the 22nd.

Mariya

Postscript:

On this day, the eleventh day of the eighth month of the year 2006, I swear to myself I will not merely look at life, I will shape it.

Current Location:	Tampa, FL, United States of America
Current Mood:	contemplative
Current Music:	Seasons of Love, Rent

I mostly posted the results below for personal reference.

You are exceptional and unique. Your quest in life is to identify exactly who you are and why you’re here. What’s important to you is the journey of self discovery, determining who you are today is not the same as who you’ll be tomorrow.
Click here to give feedback on this particular paragraph

You resist being categorized and are quick to question any social standard that you sense someone imposing on you. Stereotypical gender roles always interest you and, in your mind, connect to issues that most other people would never even consider related.
Click here to give feedback on this particular paragraph

You can “connect” with any individual person and practically read their mind, but you have a natural tendency to match your actions to the expectations you read from their mind and yearn for company that lets you truly, naturally be yourself. You struggle between letting yourself naturally match the sentiment of the group (which feels like putting on a façade) or letting your individuality shine, which may allow people to see how different you are.
Click here to give feedback on this particular paragraph

You are particularly accepting of other people and have a special talent for seeing people’s true selves instinctively. It takes time for you to trust your gut instinct about people because even you don’t believe that someone could be so right about another person’s nature so quickly. This intuitive sense about what people are thinking (which is actually your hyper-attention to nonverbal cues) is your special talent. You may think it is available to everyone and that others just ignore it, but in truth others could never develop the skill to the level which comes naturally to you.
Click here to give feedback on this particular paragraph

To you everything happens on a personal level. Your friends come to you for advice because they know that you’ll love them for who they are and put yourself in their shoes to look at the world. Your advice, although varied in delivery, usually boils down to “be true to yourself” and “listen to your heart.” You are also an excellent confidant because things told to you never return to anyone through the grapevine. You exude this quality so strongly that even strangers will sometimes spontaneously begin confiding their deepest secrets in you.
Click here to give feedback on this particular paragraph

Despite all of that, you are not much of a talker. In fact, words sometimes trip you up because you prefer nonverbal communication. Unfortunately, most of the world is not as attuned to nonverbal communication the way you are, so your opinion can get overshadowed if a more outspoken person is part of the decision.
Click here to give feedback on this particular paragraph

You focus more on nurturing other’s self esteem than any other type. As a result of this naturally caring nature your close friends often turn to you for moral support.
Click here to give feedback on this particular paragraph

You are by far the most talented of all types at reading nonverbal cues. In your admirable attempts to convey a message diplomatically, those who aren't sensitive to inflection, tone, insinuations or body language sometimes simply do not get your message because they only receive the verbal half of what you said.
Click here to give feedback on this particular paragraph

In the same way that you're the best at reading nonverbal cues, you're also the best at sending them. When you speak they miss the nonverbal half of your message, then they speak and transmit twice the message (verbal + nonverbal) which often gives away more than they intended but is sometimes carelessly inaccurate since they don’t send nonverbal cues as well as you do. When you're tempted to assign bias based on someone’s tone or other nonverbal cues it is wise to have them restate what they said and see if ignoring the careless, unintentional nonverbal half of their message lets the true meaning through.
Click here to give feedback on this particular paragraph

If you have children your focus is making sure that your child has a strong self-image and high self-esteem. More than other parents it is important for you to be friends with your children.
Click here to give feedback on this particular paragraph

You are more philosophical than most and passionately think about ethics and justice more than other types. It is when ethical issues come up in conversation that you most strongly sense that you are fundamentally different from other people. You become visually emotionally focused when these issues arise, while others easily laugh them off and switch topics to something trivial. To you, it seems that everyone should be passionate about ending racism, sexism and other social ills.
Click here to give feedback on this particular paragraph

You go by the book and are suspicious of anyone suggesting that rules or laws should be ignored. You think constantly about improving laws, and see that at a major avenue for advancing social change because you see legislation and rule creation as the consensus opinion of the group working together. For you the focus is seeing everyone working together in harmony.
Click here to give feedback on this particular paragraph

You are a healer and probably give great massages and know what foods will make people happy again. You prefer to surround yourself with direct, honest, authentic people who let you reinvent yourself every time you meet. You want nothing more than for there to be peace and harmony in the world, and your actions clearly reflect that vision.
Click here to give feedback on this particular paragraph

You are more strongly moved by poetry and artistic expression than any other type. You are interested in the finer points of different artistic mediums, having many complete and incomplete poems and stories in your head if not on paper.

With Randomness,
Mariya

Current Location:	Tampa, FL, United States of America
Current Mood:	calm
Current Music:	Alex's classical music

I just realized I've barely done any of my summer work.

Just a little bit of hyper-ventilation.

What possessed me to take AP US History?!?!

However, in a way, I am looking forward to school.

Right,
Mariya.

Hopefully.
WHAT THE HECK? WHY IS DROPSHOTS BEING STUPID?!?!
No longer a place holder:

Erm...random Russia...bored on bus...looking at sights I've seen already. Entitled: Boredom. Done while waiting.
Saturday, June 10, 2006

My and my best-est-est Russian friend Alexander aka Alex aka Sasha aka Sanya aka Sanyka aka Sashka aka Polyanskii. It's a horrible photo. We had no idea there was going to be one.

Video Hosting - Upload Video - Video Sharing

My friend Sasha was bored.
Sunday, July 9, 2006

Me on a train.

Video Hosting - Upload Video - Video Sharing

Erm...
Thank you mophopstepjump for all the wonderful icons. -standing ovation-

Current Mood:	chipper
Current Music:	DDT

My favorite question:
The spanish word for sheep is oveja, it similar to that of russian,...,insert random languages..., because
a. all stem from the Indo-European language group.
b. all soceities were involved in the wool trade
c. all societies were involved in sheep herding
d. random obviously wrong answer
e. random obviously wrong answer

Erm, all my friends disappeared when I cleared my journal, very odd. However those of you in Russia [with love!] will eventually find me, I hope.

Entheogens. Psychology. Enough said.

Marriage...I was thinking of the politically correct definition of that recently.

Mana. I am absolutely obessed. I don't know why!!! Visual kei is just awesome. Mana doesn't speak nor smile. That seems oddly beautiful...a quality of a crystalline doll. Yes, crystalline.
Not just Mana, basically all jrock. It engulfed me.

Yes...please don't jump of buildings. That was idiotic. Yes, I heard about that. Even whilst here.

Sincerely yours, if I enjoy your company,
Me

Current Location:	Here and there.
Current Mood:	pessimistic
Current Music:	Beast of Blood, Malice Mizer